Recently, Greek Life came under scrutiny. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

The University of Alabama Alpha Phi was recently forced to pull all of their social media sites after harsh public backlash and outcry over their 2015 recruitment video. Criticized for being a homogenous, unrealistic representation of sorority life, the worst comments came in the form of degrading words such as “bimbos,” “dumb blondes,” and most verbally from writer A.L. Bailey. Ms. Bailey wrote that this video is, “worse for women than Donald Trump.”

In the interest of transparency, I was an Alpha Phi at the University of Missouri, and will continue to be an Alpha Phi for the rest of my life. Some of my best friends are Alpha Phis, and some of my best memories are with Alpha Phis. But I am also a woman. I was also, recently, a college woman. And I have some words for Ms. Bailey.

Ms. Bailey,

You don’t know me, but I think you think you do.

You recently wrote a guest column titled “‘Bama sorority video worse for women than Donald Trump.” In it, you criticized the women of Alpha Phi at the University of Alabama for producing a recruitment video that you implied was akin to a Playboy Playmate or Girls Gone Wild video. You wrote that the women were poster children for detrimental stereotypes and cliches. You wrote that the women were not the type of women you wanted your children or your children’s role models to be. You made many, many assumptions about the women in the video, based on each of their 10-15 second appearances.

I am also an Alpha Phi, at the University of Missouri. I am neither blonde, nor tall, nor do I believe that I give off the impression of being particularly “flouncy.” But I have, on occasion, blown glitter off my hand in my sorority house. I’ve worn daisy dukes and crop tops, and I’ve received more than one piggyback ride from a sister. And I have most definitely laughed, ran, cried, and enjoyed life with my sisters.

But I did more than just that: during my time as an active member of Alpha Phi, I was also a member of four other on-campus organizations. I was a two-year member of the Mizzou Greek Life community’s GAMMA, which stands for Greeks Advocating the Mature Management of Alcohol. Together, myself and other dedicated, inspiring sorority and fraternity members educated ourselves and our sisters and brothers on the dangers of binge drinking and the habits of healthy social drinkers. I was a member of the Griffiths Women’s Leadership Society, which included women from every one of Mizzou’s 15 sororities. And as a member of Alpha Phi, my sisters and I held a “flouncy,” “hyper-feminine”, “hair-flipping,” philanthropy poker tournament every year to raise money for cardiac care research. Did you know women’s cardiac disease is the number one killer of women? The year I planned our tournament, we raised $18,000. The year my little planned our tournament, we raised $20,000.

And now, Ms. Bailey, I attend the University of Notre Dame Law School as a second year law student. Long behind me are my days of running through the quad hand in hand, giggling with my sisters, and long behind me are late nights sitting with my sisters in our sorority house talking about everything from boys and Greek Week to what our hopes and dreams are. But I wouldn’t be where I am without the support of my sisters. When I took the LSAT, member after member of my sorority took the time to send me a text, tweet or Facebook post for good luck. When I eventually got into law school, we celebrated like I had already become a lawyer. When I finally started at Notre Dame, they called and talked to me when I was alone, scared, sad, and overwhelmed.

Ms. Bailey, how could you ever find this out about me in the span of a 3 minute video? How could you ever know what I’ve been through and what my sisters have done for me? How could you know that within my house there includes some of the most driven individuals I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet? How could you know about my sister who worked hard to bring her depression and the depression of others to light through the beauty of her writing, which is consistently shared and supported by my sorority. How could you know about my sister who, after a terrible sledding accident, received nationwide attention for her brave recovery because of the work of Alpha Phis across the nation who shared her story and her hashtag?

Not everything you said was wrong. As a minority member of my sorority, yes, sometimes I felt judged, under appreciated, and shafted because I didn’t fit the sorority stereotype. Yes, recruitment was the hardest time of the year because yes, sorority recruitment – not just at Mizzou, not just at Alabama, but across the U.S. – is largely predicated on how you look. I advocated against certain recruitment policies while I was in school, and my senior year myself and other friends boycotted recruitment. But I do not renounce the system because of its flaws, because the system made me who I am and brought me home. Instead, I continue to talk about and work against the stereotypes perpetuated by recruitment season because I don’t believe the tradition of Greek Life and all the benefits that come with it deserve to be taken away because of a side-effect of the system we are always working on improving. Even within my sorority, I’ve seen changes in how minorities are treated and embraced in the classes that came after mine and I can’t help but be proud.

Change is oftentimes slower than we would like it to be. Perhaps, and forgive me for making assumption about you, Ms. Bailey, you have a flaw you would like to fix. Maybe it’s a little one. For me, I bite my nails when I’m stressed out. It’s a habit that has taken me years and years to remedy, and sometimes, usually around law school finals season, I slip back into the struggle. Perhaps you understand my difficulty in changing a bad habit, and perhaps you’ve gone through this yourself as well. Change takes time, but to be dragged back for every one step forward makes a broken process even worse.

To criticize the video is one thing, Ms. Bailey. At its worst, it is indeed a short yet superficial and occasionally unrealistic representation of a system that has so many more positives than it has negatives. But at its best, it is simply a recruiting tool – like when you sell a sports car not by its gas mileage but by the fact that it’s red, sexy, and fast. You could have just criticized the video, you could have called it ineffective, ostentatious, or false advertising.

Except you took it one step further. You compared this video to Donald Trump, who once called Megyn Kelly a “bimbo” and insinuated that biology was the reason she was doing her job as a journalist by asking hard questions. First, that discredits a man who has worked much harder than a 3.5 minute video to degrade women. Second, and worst of all, you made assumptions about women who are someone’s daughter, someone’s friend, and someone’s sister. You made the same assumptions you accused the women in the video of promoting.

Please think before you speak next time. I ask you to realize that while you may disagree with the video, and who the women are represented to be in the video, your words are hurtful. Your assumptions are hurtful. I ask you to realize that who the women are in the 10-15 seconds each of them are featured in a 3 minute video doesn’t say anything about who they are as individuals. You may indeed want one of them as a role model for your daughters. I certainly want my sisters as mine.

Claudia Tran

Omicron – Missouri, 2010