I believe in the power of finding true love on national television so much that over ten years ago I began watching a reality show franchise called The Bachelor and its spin off, The Bachelorette. I believe in it so much that I wrote a blog about it on this site 4 years ago. I believe in it so much that I am still watching The Bachelorette today and I have to tell you, it’s been 12 years of loyal viewership and I still do believe in the power of finding true love on national television. I believe in the power of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette.

I don’t, however, believe in what they’ve done to Kaitlyn Bristowe on national television this year.

I don’t believe in the circus show of crazy characters and dramatic moments that is attempting to pass itself off for the show I fell in love with so many years ago. This is no longer a show about love, or the serendipity of two people being exactly where they need to be at exactly the right time. This isn’t about making true connections between real people that just happens to be captured by cameras. Instead, ABC has singlehandedly morphed this show into its worst version. This show is now about drama. It’s about turning people into caricatures of their true selves. It’s about selling the next date destination, the next rose ceremony, the next “most dramatic” episode ever.

And last night, this show officially became about sex.

If you follow my Twitter, I am not quiet about my feelings on some of the decisions reigning Bachelorette Kaitlyn has made. I disagree with her decision to bring Nick Viall on the show 4 weeks into the process. I disagree with her decision to put Ben Z on a date that pushed his emotional boundaries in an extremely personal way. I disagree, strongly, with the butchered haircut she gave Joshua the Welder.

I do not disagree with her decision to take it where she wanted to take it with one of her suitors.

Last night Kaitlyn took one of her most controversial contestants and current villain of the week, Nick, on a date in Dublin, where they strolled the streets and did a little making out. They bought some rings and did a little making out. They had a chat in a pub and did a little making out. They had a romantic dinner in a beautiful cathedral and did a little making out. Then they went back to her suite and did a little bit more than making out.

This is not a matter of disagreeing with Kaitlyn’s choice in man. By all means, disagree with Kaitlyn’s decision to make her Bachelorette first be the impish creature named Nick Viall. But that’s a different matter than disagreeing with who Kaitlyn is as a person, and then dragging her name through the mud because of it. All week and all season, ABC has been pushing the promos of Kaitlyn dealing with angry men, rude men, men who have questioned her intentions and her decisions on every single episode of a show that is supposed to be entirely about her decisions. And I, for one, am tired of Kaitlyn having to defend her own damn decisions.

It is one thing for us at home to complain about perspectives we have access to and she does not, “omg why can’t she see that Clint is totally two-faced and is actually trying to take home JJ” and “doesn’t she know the guys totally threw Joshua under the bus?” This television show has made its entire career off making edits like that. It happens. But it is an entirely different thing for ABC to be setting up one of their own for slut-shaming on national television.

I am not in any place to judge Kaitlyn for what she chooses to do and not do on her own individual path to find love. Nor is it my place to judge. I watch The Bachelorette because I am Team Kaitlyn, Team Andi, Team whoever is putting her heart and her reputation on national television for the off chance that the guy she is meant to be with for the rest of her life might be on there. I am Team Serendipity. I am Team True Love in no matter what form it takes. Who am I to say it doesn’t take form in a suite bedroom in Dublin, Ireland?

Kaitlyn Bristowe made the decision to be on national television. Kaitlyn Bristowe made the decision to take her relationship to the next level with a guy she is considering marrying. Kaitlyn Bristowe made many decisions that we can all feel free to disagree with on our own personal levels. But Kaitlyn Bristowe did not make the decision to portray herself as the Bachelorette whose season is defined by her own mistakes. ABC made this decision for her. And that is not the show I believe in.

ABC has no right to make Kaitlyn constantly apologizing for her behavior and her actions. To make every episode about Kaitlyn defending herself takes all the power away from her on a show that should be all about her power. This episode should not be defined as a “mistake” that Kaitlyn made. Kaitlyn made a decision that many women make today. Maybe I am just associating with the wrong people, but I believe you are more likely to find someone who has made the decision Kaitlyn has made than someone who hasn’t. Sleeping with someone you’re seeing? This is 2015 for crying out loud. Do not punish Kaitlyn for bringing a cultural dating norm onto a television show that claims it is can keep up with cultural dating norms. Punish ABC for making it seem like Kaitlyn has something to apologize for. Punish the people who are trying to turn this into a Kaitlyn issue instead of a women’s issue, instead of a cultural issue. This is not a Kaitlyn Bristowe issue. This is an issue with the way we approach sex, dating, and more specifically, the way we approach women, sex and dating.

This dumpster-fire of a season has finally given us a legitimate reason to talk about an issue that this franchise has skirted around for the entirety of its time on-air. We’ll call a spade a spade. The persecution Kaitlyn is going through in the tabloids and on social media would never happen to any Bachelor and it has a name: this is slut-shaming. Kaitlyn does not deserve this. Women do not deserve this. No one would dare say that the Bachelor trailing a line of kisses through all his beautiful women is being a slut on his version of the show, and it has most certainly happened before. Why do we get to say Kaitlyn is anything but doing her job? People constantly complain the Bachelor and Bachelorette loses its validity because of its outrageous situations and unrealistic expectations of dating in the modern world. Well, haters, see how realistic it is now?

I don’t have the answers on how to fix any of these pervasive problems, and the way it is presented in the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchise is just one stark example that betrays those who claim we’ve moved forward in the fight for equality. The best I can do is hope that we can take this situation as a lesson and move forward. Not as a lesson for Kaitlyn, but as a lesson for us. I encourage society to do better. And I encourage ABC to do better.